My year started in a strange place. I knew that big changes were coming in my life, but I didn’t know exactly when or how it would all shake out. I was a few months into graduate school, about to move out of my “pandemic home” into something a little more mine, and my job was going to challenge me in ways I did not anticipate. On top of that were the regular obstacles: Paying the bills, making time for friends and family, the joys (hell?) of dating in your 30s, and keeping my dog Max alive and happy. Each one is a full-time job.

I haven’t spoken much openly about my journey in graduate school. Even writing about it here feels like it’s largely a secret for all but the few who already know or read it here. The most difficult part of taking on an online master’s program is doing it alone. I had many long days and late nights at home and in coffee shops, trying to teach myself managerial accounting and macroeconomics as if the introduction of shapes into 9th-grade geometry didn’t throw my understanding of math into a complete tailspin. Despite almost dropping my courses after an especially annoying several-day anxiety attack in the Fall, I passed all my classes this year. I’m just six classes away from completing my degree. 2024 owes me that.

This past year also forced me to face an epidemic that is ravaging our communal mental health: Loneliness. I think it is something I’ve always faced, but it was inflamed by 2023. Brought to the surface by extenuating circumstances. The COVID years have already been marked by a type of isolation most of us had never experienced. It took me until this year to begin noticing the effects of that and start accepting the fact that our society will never return to our idea of normal. What once was is gone, and we can only embrace the new.

“The world is becoming lonelier, and there’s some very, very worrisome consequences.”

Dr. Jeremy Nobel, founder of The Foundation for Art and Healing

My experience has been that it’s harder than ever to meet new people. It’s also still very hard to convince friends and family to spend time together. Whether it’s lingering pandemic fears, a comfort within isolation, extremely hectic professional lives, or countless other reasons, we’ve lost not just some of our abilities to be social but our desire as well. I have often fought with myself to leave the house and do something “productive,” as if that would cure my loneliness. I could be surrounded by dozens of people and still feel intensely lonely. I’ve gone to parties, gatherings, etc., this year with plenty of people, but I still feel a distinct loneliness in the air. I’ve come to realize that, for me, it’s about personal connection. I will go to bed so much happier and full of love after having one deep conversation with a close friend than I would at the most amazing party ever thrown. I don’t need the party. I need the connection. So, I spent this year trying (and often struggling!) to cultivate those relationships. One-on-one happy hours and small group dinners have paid off in spades. I still have so much work to do to combat my loneliness, but I cannot recommend it enough if you face similar demons.

As I reflect on the aspects of the year that have been so dang hard, it’s been nice to note the positives at the end of each one. The last half of 2023 was marked with the biggest professional challenges of my career. I took over our marketing team at work for the last few months while our fearless leader welcomed a new baby and spent some much-deserved time recovering at home. I was ready to take this on but not ready for what came next! We experienced one of the most transformational seasons in OSUIT history, welcomed new leadership, and helped lead the launch of an ambitious new statewide initiative. Some days felt like being pushed out of a plane without a parachute, but the overall experience was extremely rewarding. I’m on the other side now, grateful for the opportunity to be a leader, but I am even more proud of myself for how I handled making difficult decisions, learning new skills on the fly, and not getting myself fired (despite being a weekly fear! I am medicated). I also recognize that I could not have done it at all if I didn’t have a job I believe in, with the support of a team that refuses to let each other fail.

So much of 2023 was about persistence. Persistence when I really didn’t want to anymore.

I spent so many nights falling into bed early, wondering when life would feel “right” or normal. I wish I could tell you I had some sort of epiphany about real happiness coming from within or whatever they say in movies and self-help books, but that hasn’t happened yet. What I do know works is seeking out meaningful connections, even if that means a simple monthly chat over drinks for a couple of hours or binging a new show at your friend’s house. It’s in moments like those over the past year when I’ve felt most seen and understood. It makes me feel human—and that is what fuels me to keep going.

I don’t know what the next year brings. I certainly hope it’s better than the last. I hope it is for you, too.

But if it’s not, we’ll just have to keep going anyway.