I’ve spent the last couple of years exploring Internal Family Systems therapy. Along the way I’ve noticed how quick my inner critic is to take negative feedback from others and twist it into something darker: you’re flawed, you’re corrupted, you’ll never be enough. In the moment, it feels like irrefutable fact. Not a thought or an opinion.

But then I think about my younger self. If someone spoke that way to them, I’d be furious. How dare anyone be so cruel? I would protect them without hesitation. Nothing has helped keep this front of mind more than keeping an old school photo on hand to look at anytime I need a reminder.

That thought stops me cold. If I wouldn’t allow someone to tear down my child self, why do I allow it inside my own head? Holding that image makes it harder to accept cruelty as truth and easier to meet myself with patience.

The critic doesn’t vanish. It still tries so hard to get the last word. But now I have another voice to turn to. The one that says: you’re still learning, just like you always have been. No one needs you to be perfect.

-Josh

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